I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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