my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
