He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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