We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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