Im at strip club and am horny
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
