She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
