i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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