So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
