So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
