u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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