Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
