The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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