NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Congratulations! We have a period
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