Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize