literally had 100 drinks last night.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
