Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Terrible idea I love it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
