My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize