Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
