Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
