His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize