I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
