i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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