Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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