Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
