If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
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