my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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