I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
