Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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