found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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