It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
