It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
