Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
