I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
