I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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