I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
