You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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