I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
