so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My life is pants optional.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
