life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it was like eating out sand paper
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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