To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
