I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
