just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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