does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The power of my boobs compel you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
