i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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