i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize