if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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