The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
