I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
