Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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