Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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