I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
