I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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