and she was petting her beer can
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
