I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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