Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
