For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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