When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
