I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
