I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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