I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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