just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
