Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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