remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
50% drunk capacity currently
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
