I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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