Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
