I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
