You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
