Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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