the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
