I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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